Managing Your Gleaming G5 Cyber-obelisk
by Wilhelm De Moat
People often ask me, "You know, Villy, anyone with a lotta Deutschmarks
can buy himself a Power Macintosh G5 with dual IBM 2.5 GHz PPC 970 FX CPU's,
but what can a guy do to really set himself apart in the forums and chatrooms?"
I respond with customary patience:
"People, you've got to take it to the next step, and be willing to forge frontiers
where no Volkenviener durst go!"
That's why my first act upon delivery of this gleaming G5 cyber-obelisk was
to connect my trusty Backus AC312 Bell 103 protocol 300 bps acoustic coupling
modem to the Mac's USB 2.0 interface."
"But that's ridiculous!" they all say.
Or, if they are from Marseilles: "C'est l'absurd, Kraut-merde!"
But their protests set the stage, and I proceed to share my patented breakthrough
discovery, one which I believe will increase the productivity of the Bavarian
worker, eliminate pain during childbirth, and foster a Spice Girls reunion before
their stretch marks take over.
I allow my Mac to be harnessed by the awesome software technology of Microsoft's "Disk Operating System, V.3.3." Yes, this is the same Microsoft which plagiarizes the wondrous inventions of others, gets sued, then bribes judges or buys out the plaintiff's company to restore order. So you can wallow confidently that what is lacking in imagination, is surely doubled in quality and stability.
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Only with an OS as advanced as DOS 3.3 can the various varying
variables of pulsing processors, blinking diodes and squiggly circuitous solder
tracings be orchestrated in optimal relentless functional unity with peripherals
such as a 300 bps modem. Yes, it's risky, but the hazards are known and manageable.
When I bring a date home, she insists I wear a fireman's helmet before touching
her extinguishers; this is the simple price I must be willing to pay if I dare
to leave skid marks on the Information Superhighway.
~~~February 18, 2005~~~